


You Were Perfect

by SoulNarrative



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:11:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3107399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulNarrative/pseuds/SoulNarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were never mine so you were perfect. </p><p>Word count: 5859<br/>Published: 09/19/2009 Updated: 09/23/2009</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Music flooded the alley as Jade pushed open the exit door of the club. The heat of another scorching L.A. night hit him in a wave as he left the chilled interior behind.

Nils had forgotten the gift he'd brought for Jess and Lisa's bon voyage party in his car. He told Jade he'd be back before Davey even noticed his absence but before long Jade saw the covert glances Davey cast about, searching for Nils in the crowd.

He knew Davey was too polite to take his attention away from the conversation so he took it upon himself to retrieve Davey's boyfriend. Nils had been missing for awhile and Jade was beginning to wonder where he'd gone to himself.

He headed to the parking lot but stumbled over something - or someone - in the dark. He swore as he just caught himself from landing on top of the supine figure.

"Christ, sorry!" he exclaimed but inwardly cursed the drunk for passing out like that. He bent down to get the guy on his feet and get him whatever help he needed. Highly annoyed, Jade assumed the rest of the night was shot. Marissa would be just thrilled.

He gently shook a shoulder and when he got no response he looked closer. He gasped in utter shock. "Oh fuck no!"

Music again filtered into the darkness, fainter this time. Jade heard Adam calling his name. He remembered to phone 911. He answered Adam with panic in his voice.

"Adam! Come here, now!" Adam sprinted to where Jade was huddled over what appeared to be a young man face-down on the dirty pavement.

Jade turned him over just enough for Adam to see the face. "Holy shit…" he hissed.

They simultaneously heard Davey's approach. He yelled at Adam and Jade, his voice displaying his high spirits.

"The party's inside and you two fuckers are out here shooting craps in the alley?," he laughed.

Adam and Jade stared at each other for a moment before Adam sprang to his feet and rushed back to Davey. He put an arm around Davey's shoulders and spun him around to guide him back inside.

It was too late. Davey had spotted Jade still crouched in the dark. "What's going on? Is Jade okay? Adam, answer me." He began to resist Adam's restraint and head back to Jade. They heard the sirens approaching.

Davey broke away and ran with Adam in pursuit. Adam caught up just as they reached Jade but Davey pushed him off and dropped to his knees. He saw Jade wasn't alone at all. He was bent over someone, someone he recognized.

His hand trembled as he smoothed the gritty hair away from his lover's face. What he saw broke his heart. His eyes burned with unshed tears and he whispered entreatingly, "Nils, baby, Nils…"

He was deaf and blind to the commotion surrounding them until bright light illuminated Nils' prostrate form. It was then he saw that Nils backside was exposed. His pants had been yanked down below his thighs. Davey keened something unintelligible.

Strong arms wrapped around his torso and trapped his arms at his sides. Adam lifted him right off the ground and carried him backwards. Davey saw Nils disappearing into the ambulance on a stretcher. He could hear him groaning.

Davey yelled at the EMTs. "Stop! I have to go with him!" One turned to him with a sneer on his face. "Immediate family?" The man turned his back on Davey and climbed in. He began to pull the door shut in Davey's face.

Another voice came from inside and a man pushed the door open wide. He looked at Davey and kindly asked, "Are you his spouse?" He was mindful that thousands of same-sex couples had been legally married during the short time it had been possible.

Davey shook his head helplessly. The first man muttered, "You're such a fag, Michael." He slammed the door shut as the sirens started up again.

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!" Davey screamed over and over until the ambulance was gone from sight and he went limp in Adam's arms.

Adam turned him around and held him against his chest. Davey twisted Adam's shirt in his fists and shook with silent sobs. Jade leaned against him from behind and placed his hands on Davey's shoulders. He squeezed them and whispered, "He'll be all right, Dave, he will."

 

***********************************************************************

"Yeah, I'm here. I'll talk to you after I've had him home for a bit and settled in. Bye, Jade."

"Hey, wait…Remember he's going to look…you know…not the same. So just be prepared, okay?"

"Anything is better than the image I've had in my head for the last two days." Davey couldn't erase the memory of Nils' face covered in blood and grime, patches of exposed raw skin disfiguring his face. He couldn't tell if he was dead or alive.

"Of course, sure. Well, give him a hug for us. And take care of yourself…Love ya, Davey." Jade couldn’t help but imagine himself in Davey's place if something like that had happened to Marissa.

Davey didn't know what to say. He could count on one hand the times Jade had said that to him in all the years they'd known each other. He whispered a goodbye and hung up.

He looked at the phone with tears swimming in his eyes. He was so fortunate to have friends like that in his life. He and Nils would pull through this with their help.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7929>


	2. Chapter 2

Davey spotted Nils in an isolated corner of the lobby. He was sitting with his back to the doors, in front of a tv, but when Davey reached him, he saw Nils' eyes were closed. He knelt quietly in front of him and spoke his name as he gently touched his arm. 

Nils jumped and gave a small cry. His heart was pounding and he struggled to focus on Davey. When he did, he saw Davey's genuine smile and immediately wanted to cover his face. He'd made the mistake of looking in the mirror and couldn't forget what he'd seen.

Lucky. That's what they'd said. What they meant was he hadn't been raped. Yes, he was lucky - his body had been spared that final humiliation but no one knew how close it had come to that and worse.

He still stank with the smell of sour beer. The most cruel had demanded the other's full bottle, shook it up and sprayed the foamy liquid over his naked buttocks. 

He'd snickered about the "jizz" he'd left on him. Then he said he'd drink the bottle down and use it, too. Although the following words were heavily slurred, Nils heard them distinctly.

"Ever been fucked with a bottle? Probably. You fags will stick anything up your ass." Nils heard the gulping and knew he was minutes away from an unthinkable fate. Jade had stumbled on the scene just in time.

Still, he'd been scarred with invisible wounds. He wondered if they'd ever heal. Did Davey seriously believe he could love it all away?

He must have because when Davey gazed at his ravaged face, he saw no flaws, only that Nils was alive and he was touching him. "Let's go home," he said, still smiling. 

Nils struggled to his feet. He was sore and weak and the pain medication made him dizzy. Davey steadied him and got him safely into the car parked at the curb.

"Is there anything you need before we start?"

"Shades and water, god, water. I'm parched." It was difficult to talk. His lips were swollen and the bottom one was split down the middle.

"Of course. They had you hooked up to IVs for hydration but that didn't do anything for your thirst. Here's mine, it's fresh." Davey held it out to him and looked ahead, anxious to start the car and get the hell out of there. 

"Oh fuck!" Nils cursed. He suddenly wanted to burst into tears. He'd taken ahold of the bottle and promptly dropped it. Water soaked his lap. His hands were swathed in gauze from where his attackers had stomped on them and they were stiff and bruised. He'd forgotten he couldn't get a grip on anything. 

"Nils, it's no problem! I'm sorry. It was my fault." Davey grabbed an old hoodie from the backseat and tucked it over Nils' lap. He pulled out another water bottle, opened it, and held it to Nils' mouth.

"Without a straw, it'll just dribble down my chin - you know, like after being numbed up by the dentist and your lips don't work. Let's forget it and go. I can wait."

Davey squeezed his shoulder and headed for the highway.

***********************************************************************

Night had set in when they reached Nils' apartment. Davey opened the door and hung back so Nils could enter first. Nils took one step inside and froze.

"Go on, babe. I've got the door."

"Did you see it? Like a shadow…over there…in the dark. It's too dark."

Davey immediately understood and stepped around him. He went through every room in the place and turned on every light, even in the closets.

"Better? Or too much?" Davey asked gently.

"It's good, thanks." He went in but just stood there. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He blamed the medications and sat down again.

Davey spent the next few hours giving him plenty of light food and drink. He was especially careful bathing him. The contusions blooming all over his body made Davey sick and enraged but he understood how important it was that he felt clean.

The hospital had kept him overnight for observation and then discharged him when they deemed him medically stable. He'd been cleaned up just enough to prevent infection, given some meds and sent on his way. Davey was so angry at the callous treatment he'd received and he knew they could expect more when the police report was filed.

He didn't dare shave him due to the fresh scabs still forming over his cheeks and chin. 

"I know exactly what to do about those. No scarring, I promise," Davey hovered a finger over the scabs. "No one will ever know." Nils heard the words echo in his head and felt so alone.

Finally, they were settled in bed. Davey had dressed Nils in a large Zu tee and a pair of silk boxers ("I'm not sure where these came from but they're like new and they're clean," Davey had said with a coy smile.) As usual, Davey wore nothing.

Nils made no comment when he saw which tee he was wearing. It was the Depeche Mode one with an image of a woman bound and on her knees. "It's a lot like Life," it read. 'It certainly is,' Nils thought. He was still capable of appreciating irony.

He had agreed to just one dim light in the bedroom if all the others were left on. They lay on their sides, Davey curled around Nils's back as usual.

"Anything you need, wake me, please. Don't get up alone." Nils nodded in agreement.

"The bath really helped. Thank you."

Davey sighed in exasperation. "Nils, don't ever say that to me again. Don't thank me. It's a privilege to be here with you…you mean everything to me, okay?"

"Okay," Nils answered in a small voice. Davey cuddled him tighter.

When they were that close Davey's body went on auto-pilot and Nils felt him hardening against the back of his thighs. He forced himself to breathe and resist the impulse to pull away. 

Nils wanted desperately to follow him into that rapturous realm they'd discovered together but he just couldn't. He feigned a yawn.

"Those pain meds are kicking my ass. And I didn't sleep at all last night. Just as I'd drop off they'd come in and check the IV, take my blood pressure…"

Davey shifted slightly so there was space between them. "Sleep is the best thing for you. I'm here and you're safe. Sleep." He nuzzled Nils' hair and sighed in contentment.

That simple, tender act threw Nils back into the stench of the alley. They'd grabbed him first by his hair and knocked his feet out from under him so he was suspended in the air for a moment. Then they'd thrown him face-first onto the ground. They'd held him down and rubbed his face into the pavement. He had no choice but to take in the filth. He could still taste it and feel the grit against his teeth. 

Nils forced his body to relax. He wanted to convince Davey that he was indeed falling asleep. But sleep meant nightmares - hearing the taunts, the names, the terrifying threats of how they were going to "snuff" him. He'd fight off sleep with all his will.

He listened as Davey's breathing slowed and deepened. Bit by bit he worked himself free of Davey's loose embrace and got up from the bed. He turned off the small light in the bedroom, leaving Davey at peace in the darkness.

Nils wandered into the brightly lit kitchen. He wanted something to drink but didn't think he could manage making coffee with his bandaged hands. 

'Time for the unveiling,' he thought wryly and unwound the gauze strips. He held them out in front and gazed at the sight. He remembered covering his head with his hands to ward off the blows he knew were coming. 

They'd yanked them away and stomped them under their boots. The last thing he'd distinctly felt was a kick to his temple that left him stunned.

Thirst reminded of where he was and what he needed. Water. He could handle a bottle of water. 

He opened the fridge and exclaimed, "Bless that man's nonexistent soul!" On the shelf was a large to-go cup of Peet's brewed coffee, made just the way Nils liked it. Davey had drawn a whimsical heart on it with Nils' name in the center. It was the perfect companion for a long, lonely night. Daylight was still hours away.


	3. Chapter 3

Nils healed quickly but Davey continued to stay with him while Adam looked after his place in Oakland. They fell into a comfortable routine and the outside world didn't intrude into the refuge they'd created.

Nils still wouldn't sleep at night. He spent the hours waiting for daybreak sitting on the balcony, smoking and watching the crazy nightlife around Santa Monica Blvd or he'd search YouTube for links to post to his Twitter. For awhile that was all he could handle.

Eventually, he could concentrate again. He'd missed books and he filled those hours reading until his eyes were tired, his mind at ease and he felt the change in the air that signaled dawn. Then he'd slip under the sheets and Davey would rouse, pull him close and Nils would fall asleep in his arms.

Davey had always been a night owl anyway so they had several hours together before Davey finally crashed around 4 a.m. He'd wake around noon and leave Nils sleeping and go out to take care of any business he might have. He always tried to spend time just relaxing with friends, too but he still wasn't comfortable leaving Nils alone after nightfall so he'd excuse himself and head home to him.

Nils' injuries were hardly visible any longer but he delayed going out again himself. Jade, Smith, Hunter and Marissa visited frequently and even Adam came down weekly to hang with him. He could be himself with them - they knew the truth about what had happened.

But when he overheard Davey politely declining yet another social invitation for them both, he knew he had to do something. The rumor was that it had been just a particularly nasty mugging so it wasn't such a big deal, was it? After all, this was L.A.

It was going on 4 a.m. and Davey stretched and yawned at his laptop. He'd been talking to Hunter on his webcam off and on for a couple of hours when Nils heard his name.

"Yeah, Nils loves Crystal Castles. He'll get another chance to see them, I'm sure. How is he? Ask him yourself - he's right here." Davey called Nils over.

Nils appeared behind him on the screen. Like Davey, he wasn't wearing a shirt. They'd both become casual about dressing since they were usually home alone. Besides, he could never get enough of Davey's tattoos.

Nils leaned over, slid his arms around Davey and put his smooth cheek against his shadowed one. He smiled into the monitor.

"You look good, Nils! We miss you. Life's no fun without you."

"Thanks, Hunter. I'll see you soon…but I've really been enjoying having Davey all to myself." Nils lightly licked the heart behind Davey's ear. Davey laughed and shivered.

He relaxed back into Nils and closed his eyes. Nils's hands slid down his chest and lightly moved over his nipples

"Hey guys, something's burning on the stove…later." Hunter disappeared from the screen but neither noticed.

Nils kneaded Davey's shoulders, massaging and pulling. He loved the subtle strength in his muscles. He kissed down the side of Davey's neck.

"Really want you," Nils breathed. He spun Davey's chair around to face him and straddled his lap. Earlier he'd taken a final bathroom break and had lubed himself, just in case. In the moments before he'd been called over to the laptop, he'd stripped off his lounge pants.

Sex was still difficult for Nils but he did everything he could to make Davey feel desired and satisfied. He wanted it as much as Davey did but he just couldn't trust his own body. He'd be incredibly aroused and then suddenly shut down. Of course, the more it happened, the more it happened.

Nils ignored the subtle anxiety that stirred in his stomach as he felt Davey respond to his advances. He didn't want to disappoint him although Davey assured him that was impossible. Still, Nils was impatient with himself - he wanted to be like he was before "it" happened but he didn't know how.

Davey held him close in his lap and kissed him. His hands slid up and down Nils' sides and stroked his back. Nils looped his arms around Davey's shoulders and engaged him in a long, deep kiss that sent a shudder through Davey's body.

Nils was subtly rocking against Davey's groin. He said, "I'm getting lube on your pants - better take them off." He pushed them down to Davey's ankles and resumed his seat, tucking Davey's rising cock beneath his ass.

Davey was breathing faster. The heat of Nils' closeness left him wanting more but he was following Nils' lead.

The magic of Davey's hands and lips began to work on him, emptying his mind as sensation took over. He didn't think he'd ever get over the missing lip ring but he quickly did. Still, he made Davey promise to never remove the prince albert.

Davey held him tightly but Nils freed himself enough to raise up so he could align himself with Davey's erection and slowly lower himself. Davey stayed still until he was as deep as Nils could take him in. Even then, he didn't move but let Nils set the pace and movement.

Davey crushed their bodies together with Nils' soft cock trapped between their abdomens. They rocked against each other and Nils rose and fell subtly to feel Davey rubbing that place where he wanted to be touched most.

Davey put his hands under Nils' knees and held them around his waist, opening him and bringing their hips together hard. The chair couldn't withstand more than steady grinding but that proved to be what Nils' needed. Davey felt him finally growing harder and kissed along his exposed throat, knowing it always turned him on immensely.

Nils began to groan and struggle to move freely. He pushed against Davey's chest to create space but Davey resisted his efforts and maintained the tight friction between them. He was clearly in control as he grabbed Nils' ass and moved his body up and down against his however he wished.

Nils froze and gasped as an orgasm hit him like lightening out of nowhere. It was so powerful the cum shot up between them and spread across Davey's chest. His legs straightened in front of him and his hands held Davey's shoulders in a deathgrip, nails cutting into flesh. He looked utterly astonished.

Davey anticipated the collapse that followed soon after. He wasn't surprised when Nils began to quietly cry with relief in his arms. He had finally felt pleasure again.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7929>


	4. Chapter 4

Nils needed to prove to Davey he was ready for the world again so he insisted they go out. He told him he missed their friends, the club scene, dancing with him. Davey let him choose where they'd go and he always chose the loudest clubs where conversation was impossible and questions weren't asked. He'd hide in Davey's arms, lost in the thunderous beat.

He refused to go through the back entrances or dark parking lots. They never drove to the clubs unless there was valet parking. Otherwise, they took a cab. Even then, Nils would be so anxious while they waited outside he could hardly light his own cigarette. Davey understood and always recruited a couple of friends to hang out with them and lighten the mood.

Eventually, it worked. Davey left Nils alone more and Nils' guilt lessened. He hadn't been able to work so Davey paid his rent as well as his own mortgage and Nils knew money had to be a concern. He hated his dependency. Davey needed to feel free to take care of business and he wouldn't if he thought Nils needed babysitting.

So Nils was relieved when he overheard Davey talking to Rusty at Pnut about an immediate flight to New York to finish a jewelry piece. Nils hadn't heard about this one but then he hadn't been able to follow much of what went on around him. He sensed an urgency about it he assumed was the financial pressure Davey must be feeling to get it on the Zu market.

Early the next morning, Davey crept into the bedroom and kissed a sleeping Nils on the corner of his mouth. "I'm leaving for the airport now," he whispered in his ear.

Nils put his arms around him and yawned. "Are you sure you don't want me to come?"

"You'll do that when I get back," Davey smiled coyly and nipped at his neck playfully, making light of his comment. Sex was still difficult for Nils and he wouldn't pressure him.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning. You're picking me up with Adam, right?" Nils nodded.

"And you know what day it will be, right?" Davey arched an eyebrow.

"Of course. Four years - four years, just like heaven." His smile faded. "I'm sorry, I haven't done anything for it yet but I will today…"

"No, you won't. There's nothing to do. Just rest up for a night to remember." He kissed him again and told him he loved him.

Nils turned on his side and heard the door lock quietly as he drifted back to sleep.

 

***********************************************************************

The phone rang and rang. Nils found it on the floor beside the bed and opened it.

"Yeah, who's this?" he asked before he even opened his eyes.

"Nils? It's Tom." Nils was jolted awake and sat up. No news was good news as far as Nils was concerned when it came to a call from Tom. He was the victims advocate assigned to him by the LAPD. He was gay himself and specialized in hate crimes.

"What's going on, Tom?" Nils' voice belied his apprehension.

"They caught them."

Nils was silent and fought the urge to throw the phone as far and as hard as he could.

"They caught them. They attacked another young man leaving a gay club." Nils felt the floor drop out from under him.

"We need you to identify them. The other victim was injured more seriously than you. He'll pull through but we don't know if and when he'll be able to testify."

"Identify them? You mean look at them? But Tom, I didn't really see them…" They'd taken him down from behind. All he'd seen was their boots. He wasn't a credible witness and there probably wasn't DNA evidence. They were going to get away with it.

"You won't know if you don't try…maybe a voice or a detail you don't remember. Please, can you come in tomorrow and help us out?" He added kindly, "I'll be with you every step of the way. You don't need to be afraid."

There was a long pause before Nils agreed. Tom thanked him and again reassured him he had nothing to fear.

************************************************************************

The morning sun seeped around the plane's window shade and woke Davey from a light, uncomfortable sleep. This was what he really hated about red-eye flights. He put on his sunglasses before even partially raising the shade. He was irritable and he wanted tea.

His mood swiftly rose to near-elation as he realized he'd soon be landing. He patted the diminutive box in his breast pocket and once again imagined the look on Nil's face when he opened it.

That night he'd take Nils out for their favorite dinner and then a long walk along Santa Monica beach until they reached the secluded place under the pier where they'd first made love.

There he'd slip the ring on Nils' finger and ask him to commit to a life together. When they returned to the apartment, their closest friends would be there to celebrate their fourth anniversary with them - and their engagement.

Although he'd always been a vocal advocate for gay rights, he personally held the belief that legal marriage was an antiquated institution. He saw it as governmental intrusion into private matters. Who needed a judicial piece of paper to validate the love and commitment between two people?

When the opportunity had existed for a few months to marry Nils in San Francisco, he'd thought it unnecessary to legally recognize their love for one another. Now he knew it was the only politically credible option.

Everything had changed the night of Nils' assault. When the EMT had slammed the ambulance door on Davey's protests, he'd felt so helpless, so diminished. When the kinder one had asked him if they were married, he knew he'd let Nils' down in a fundamental way. His prideful convictions had left Nils vulnerable.

Yes, they could go to another state where it was legal but their marriage wouldn't be recognized in California. He refused to be married until they were protected in the state where they had been born and raised and made their lives. He'd use every bit of influence he had to make it happen.

***********************************************************************

 

Nils cut the engine. He sat and stared out at the night for a long time before stepping out of the car. He crossed the short distance from the parking lot to the beach. He kicked off his shoes and his feet sunk into the sand. He walked towards his destination - the secluded spot beneath the pier.

It was the first time he'd been alone in the dark since he'd been attacked. The euphoria he'd felt as he drove toward the ocean had faded away but still he felt no fear.

Nils mulled over Tom's call from earlier in the day. "Identify, testify." If he did, those dearest to him would be brought into it. No matter they'd seen nothing that night. In a city fueled by gossip, the damage would've been done and AFI didn't need that kind of publicity. He hadn't told Davey about the call.

He shivered beneath the hoodie he wore in the warm night air. As he continued to walk, a sense of calm overcame him. He was tiring and the sand was sucking him down. He was relieved to see the welcoming darkness just ahead. It was the place they'd first made love after they'd just met and their bodies and hearts had caught fire. He could rest there.

Finally, he reached it and sank down with his back against a piling. He uncapped the pint of whiskey he 'd tucked into his pocket and took three swigs. He exhaled deeply and listened to the ocean's swell. The sound of the ebb and flow was as soothing as a lullaby and he was very sleepy.

He lifted the bottle to his lips again and swallowed down three more gulps, then three more. The liquor burned, warming him from the inside. He lay down in the sand, hoodie under his head.

He gazed up into the clear sky full of stars and moonlight until his mind emptied. His eyelids became heavy and fluttered closed. He was so relaxed it was an effort to expand his chest with every breath. He exhaled slowly, deeply and fell into an abyss of peace.

*******************************************************************

Michael and Marcus were half-way through their early morning beach run. They hadn't missed a day in the four years they'd been together. In fact, it was how they'd met.

They'd been bickering for days about the details of their anniversary party. Being one of the fortunate couples to be married in California didn't stop them from getting caught up in petty arguments over celebrations.

The run was a welcome release of tension. The antics of their terrier, Rufus, helped too and were often the high point of their jaunts.

They'd reached the pier and slowed to catch their breath in the shadows below. Their mood had improved considerably and they paid no mind to their dog's frantic barking - terrorizing seagulls again, no doubt.

After a brief rest, they picked up their pace and started off again. Before long, they noticed Rufus wasn't following. Michael circled back while Marcus stood with his hands on his hips, cursing "that damned dog" until he heard Michael calling him.

Far back in the shadows, Marcus found Michael kneeling beside a young man lying on his back. Rufus was whining and nudging the boy's hand.

Marcus said impatiently, "Michael, you're off work! He'll be fine after he sleeps it off." He saw the half-empty bottle of liquor just out of reach.

Michael said nothing and Marcus stepped closer. Michael slowly withdrew his fingers from the side of the man's neck and whispered, "No. He won't be waking up."

Marcus stood in shocked silence as he gazed at the unnatural pallor of the lovely man's face. For Michael, death was commonplace in his work as an EMT but even he was shaken by the sight.

Marcus knelt beside his lover and placed an arm around his shoulders. Rufus came and curled up against him.

"A pint of Jack wouldn't have done this, Mike."

Michael slipped his hand into one of the hoodie pockets. He removed a small plastic bottle missing its cap. It was empty. He read the label.

"It would if you drank it to wash down these. OxyContin."

He patted the other pocket and rifled through the contents. "Wallet, cash, credit cards, driver's license, keys. No cell. He didn't want anyone to contact him."

He leaned back on his heels and sighed. He spotted something white balled up in the stranger's hand. He gently uncurled the long, slender fingers, already cool and stiffening. He smoothed a small, crumpled piece of paper.

"Suicide note?" Marcus asked hesitantly.

Michael read it with an air of reverence and sadly replied, "No, just a name and phone number."

Michael continued to gaze at Nils' graying face. "You know, he looks familiar."

"God, I hope not…" Marcus was uncomfortable with death so nearby.

"I remember now. He'd been badly beaten in an alley. That's why I didn't recognize him - they'd done a job on him…Jesus, I didn't know he was so good-looking." He shook his head.

He continued quietly. "It was a couple of months ago. I remember his boyfriend, too. Frank - the asshole - wouldn't let him go with us and he was hysterical. It was heartbreaking."

Marcus took Michael's hand in his and glanced meaningfully at their rings. The contrast of one's lightly tanned skin against the other's natural rich brown highlighted the gems' brilliance.

"That will never happen to us," Marcus spoke quietly and squeezed Michael's hand. Michael returned his soft smile.

"Take Rufus for ice cream and go home. I'll go with them to take him in."

Marcus knew it was pointless to argue so he straightened up and tapped Rufus on the head.

He rubbed the back of Michael's neck. "Don't stay long at the hospital. You need a break from all this."

"Just until someone comes to claim him…I feel like I owe it to him." Marcus nodded in understanding and whistled to the dog to follow him back up the beach.

Michael reluctantly called Dispatch and reported the body's location for pickup. He delicately whisked Nils' hair back from his eyes and tidied the hood beneath his head. 'Such a waste. So young, so loved, so perfect.' He was surprised to feel tears welling up.

He looked down at the name and number on the crumpled paper in his hand - was that his lover? No. He remembered him in the alley moaning the name, "Davey." Whoever it was, Michael was certain he was the person Nils wanted called first.

'Fuck protocol. I'm doing this.' Before he had time to think, he'd called the number and heard himself saying, "Hello, is this Adam Carson? This is Michael Camden with Cedars Sinai. I'm very sorry but I'm calling with tragic news…"

************************************************************************

Davey couldn't help grinning as he scanned the airport lobby for Nils. He reflexively touched the box in his pocket once more. Finally, he spotted Adam but Nils wasn't in sight. 'No doubt fueling up on caffeine and nicotine one last time before he sees me,' Davey thought indulgently. After all, his flight had been early.

He caught Adam's eye and pushed through the crowd, anxious to reach him. He'd left all the last-minute arrangements to Adam so he could focus on Nils and the party that awaited them that night. He wanted to confirm everything was ready, everything was perfect.

Davey grew warm thinking of the walk they'd take afterwards to that place under the Santa Monica pier where they'd first made love. There Davey would give Nils the ring that promised his loving protection until death parted them.

Davey quickened his pace. It seemed strange Adam continued to stand and stare at him, as if frozen in place. Finally, Davey was within six feet of him and he still had not moved.

The look on Adam's face stopped him in his tracks. He had obviously been crying. He had never seen Adam cry, not ever. Suddenly Davey could not breathe. His heart began to pound beneath the tiny box pressed against it.

THE END

 

  
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